rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
