My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ruined the universe
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