her vagine was all disorganized.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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