I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
