Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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