I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
