u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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