so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
