my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
