after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
