we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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