Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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