4 words: hood of his car
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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