that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
