we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came so hard my ears popped.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
