Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
