I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
