I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
