i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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