Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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