i think i have herpe
just one?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We have started to decorate penises.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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