Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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