I smell stomach acid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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