and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
