So drunk its hurt
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
