Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
