All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we should paint friendship bongs
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