I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
