Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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