apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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