Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
