I skipped work to stalk him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
