I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
