yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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