I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
