Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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