Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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