It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
