More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
