I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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