the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
