well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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