lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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