I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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