you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
