I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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