I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
