First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
