Please, let me fuck your mom
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
