I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
