I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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