just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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