I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
