he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
