I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
