dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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