If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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